Tanner Jack Sundwall

Tanner Jack turned 12 on May 2nd. He received the Priesthood that same day. I'm still in shock!

I love this boy. He and I share some good history together. He's my firstborn son, after all. He is a soft-hearted, sensitive guy. I love his literal view on things, his judicious perspective of the world. He rounds out my moral compass, you could say. I love his freckled nose and his mischievous grin, his passion for sports and his knowledge of the gospel. I love that he tries his best at whatever it is he's doing (except maybe washing dishes :).

I love his love of children. He finds great humor in the innocence of small people. I love that he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to let you know. Sometimes in a really loud voice.

When Tanner learned to talk, I'd sometimes say to him, "There's my Tanner Jack!" and he'd say, in his slaughtered baby talk, "I not Nack, I Nanner."

I hope he always knows who he is and how much he is loved.


This will come as a shock, but Tanner's birthday party was simply this: a night at a Mariner's game (hot dogs and junk food included) with his best buds: Tucker, Sawyer, Andrew, Preston and Jared. And of course, Dad and Grandpa Dale. The Demarini baseball bat (above and below) is his beloved sidekick, bestowed by the Lewis boys. A true friend knows the desires of your heart...

Pie, not cake. I blame myself, really. I haven't been able to produce a decent birthday cake but for a few times in my children's lives. They've all turned to other forms of birthday dessert.

The Bat. Look at the awe and affection on my boy's face. :)

Boys in motion.

Friends + baseball = Utopia.

I love you Tanner!!

A Mother's Day Reminder to Myself

Today is Mother's Day 2010. It's been the best Mother's Day I've ever had. In retrospect, I believe perhaps it's been the best because of the dichotomy between yesterday and today.

Yesterday was not my best "mother's" day. I was completely out of sync. I fully admit it; there was major mental drama going on in my head. While the reasons for such unscrupulous instability are not fully clear to me, by the end of the day I had myself in such a maternal frenzy that I was almost completely paralyzed by the fear that I would be the sole cause of any and every snag my children will encounter in mortality. You can imagine how exhausted I was by bedtime. Spending an entire day convincing yourself you're a diabolical wreck is very draining.

This morning I woke to a sense of foreboding, yesterday's sentiments still lingering in the shadows of sleep. I immediately decided I was not going to allow my own fears to ruin a perfectly good Mother's Day. After a hearfelt prayer I dove headfirst into another day of motherhood.

And it was a wonderful day. It began with breakfast in bed and gifts and cards, then a 2-mile family hike on a gloriously sunny, warm day. We made it on time to church with four kids bathed, clothed and all shoes on their feet before we pulled into the parking lot. After church Sean and the kids made me dinner while I played the piano for an hour. We then hit the park. Afterward it was home for ice cream and family home movies.

Watching movies of my kids half of their own lifetimes ago struck me like an electric current. We haven't pulled out the videos in quite awhile, so their miniature "previous" selves were a curious, nostalgic reminder of what I'm really trying to accomplish as a mother.

These children are my life, but they are not just mine. I know they were Heavenly Father's long before they were sent to me. I am humbled by the trust He has placed in Sean and myself to raise them in a way that will gently steer them back to Him. I am grateful, so very grateful for the opportunity to know them, to wake up every day to the promise that if I do all I can, I can spend forever in their presence.

Yesterday I was afraid. Afraid that I won't be enough, won't know enough, won't care enough to make a difference in the lives of those I love the most. And I was right: I'm not enough. Not on my own. I recognize the need for my Heavenly Father's love and direction, and perhaps most importantly, the need to trust Him in His infinite wisdom to know what's best for those that I am not capable of loving the way He loves.

So I am taking this opportunity to remind myself that I am not the only one with a vested interest in the outcome of my efforts in regard to my children. I can do anything with the help of my Heavenly Father.

General Patton once said, "Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." My Mother's Day wish is to mold my fears into the courage necessary to be the best mother I can be.

May the shadow of my love linger always in the lives of my children.

Katelyn Emily Sundwall

On April 19th, my eldest child celebrated her first step into teen-dom.

Her very first step in mortality happened almost exactly 12 years ago.

Her first step into my heart happened in our apartment bathroom in Denver, Colorado in early August, 1996, when I saw the little blue + sign on a pregnancy stick. She's been a dominate part of my life ever since.

I love this girl. I love her fiery determination and her unending wit. I love the sparkle in her eye when she gets the itch to tease, the skip in her step when she can't wait to get somewhere, the power of her thoughts when she's sharing something personal. I love her with all my heart.

Happy 13th, my beautiful Katelyn Emily.

Breakfast in bed. A true teen: she was not about to show her morning face to the camera!!

She shares her mama's love of Dairy Queen ice cream cake!

Here's one for Child Protective Services. :)

Kalli got Katelyn doggy shampoo. It's no secret that Katelyn adores her dog!

Kate loves Nutella. Tanner was happy to indulge her with the Costco double pack. :)

Her big gift was a trip to Dallas, Texas with her Daddy to experience together "a few of her favorite things."

Kate and Sean hit a Seattle Sounders/Dallas FC soccer game (of which there are no pictures), shopping at the Galleria Mall, a morning at the Dallas LDS temple, and two days at Six Flags.

I know we're small people, we Sundwalls, but this is ridiculous. :)

They came home happy and exhausted. I'm so glad they had the opportunity to spend a few days together. Now back to real life...

Sunday Afternoon at Muir Pond

Easter, sans bonnets

I love Easter. I don't love that old-fashioned Easter song that went something like this: "Put on your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it..." My Grandma Stabler used to sing it every Easter. Really loudly. I pray that someday, senility willing, it will be purged from my memory completely.

We had a fabulous weekend with Judah, Keslie and the kids visiting from the tri-cities, and Anna and Dave and their clan around as well. The kids always revel in each other's company. It's such a blessing to have so many cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents as a regular part of their lives.

Equally as wonderful was the opportunity to watch conference over Easter weekend. The kids all graciously provided relative peace and serenity, making it possible for us to watch three of the four sessions. I can't wait to read all the talks again. It was impressive (and humbling) to hear so much said about the home and family.

Here's some pics to sum up the weekend:

Various cousins prepping for the big Easter egg hunt.



Sweet-faced Maylie, smiley as always.

Judah introduced us to a new Easter tradition, however disturbing it may be. We've now expanded the traditional Easter egg hunt to include a "gross out" version. Everyone stuffs five eggs with the grossest things they can find (and that fit into a plastic egg!). The eggs are then hidden and the one who finds the grossest egg wins a prize. Incidentally, Asher won with a mashed hard-boiled egg-filled egg.

Easter morning. Getting my kids to pose for a picture is murderous. And apparently impossible.

Asher in his Happy Meal box converted into a horn-laden helmet. What will Ronald think up next?

The clan, undoubtedly plotting out their next wayward adventure...

Nature's great analogies

Spring weather in Seattle is antithetical to predictability.

Case in point, we awoke this morning to an inch of snow and experienced additional snow showers, several hailstorms, some wind and occasional sunbreaks throughout the day. If Mother Nature's seasons were aligned with human emotional disorders, I'd say spring is her bipolar persona with all it's fickle, erratic behavior.

Last Friday I had to make a trip to Seattle amidst some heavy winds and turbulent rain showers. Upon my return, traffic was incredibly slow making its way onto the I-90 floating bridge, but I thought it was well worth the wait. The view was impressive.

The dissimilarity between the waves crashing over the roadway on the south side of the bridge and the calm waters on the north side provided a contradictory distinction. It's amazing what a little protection from the wind and the waves can do, not only for the waters, but for the soul. I'm grateful for the spiritual barriers in my life, namely scripture study and prayer, that protect me from turbulence and provide peace and hope.


As I continued up I-90, a tree fell across the highway about 100 yards ahead of me. Luckily, no one was directly in it's path when it fell, but as you can see it was the cause of much braking and re-routing.

If I could only be so quick to recognize and correct my own course accordingly when life's proverbial road blocks occur. I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost to guide me; I'd never make it on my own.

All things considered, I'm glad Mother Nature's a bit moody this time of year. Through her many subtle lessons, she provides a gracious reminder to me of how much I need to be prepared.

My celebrity look-alike

Everyone has a celebrity look-alike, or at least that's what one of my college roommates emphatically maintained. So one day I asked her who she would consider to be my celebrity look-alike. She became suddenly silent and uneasy, and then charged into a diatriabe about her latest telephone bill.

I knew it. I was the single living human being who did not have a celebrity look-alike. Well, perhaps me and the ginger midget from the Sherlock Holmes movie. Ginger midgets are hard to come by.

But wait! After nearly twenty years of muddling through life without a superstar twin, I finally saw the light (or, more correctly, the black light). Storm, the X-Men's mutant femme fetale, is my celeb clone!

Sort of.

True, both of our heads glow in unnatural lighting. However...

She has super cool powers initiated by rampant mood swings; I just have the mood swings.

She has a curvaceous figure in her tight faux leather bodysuit; I can't leave my house in spandex and if my bra size were a letter grade, I'd be scholarship material.

She hangs with beefy tough guys; I hang with pre-pubescent guys that I can still flip over my shoulder.

She fights bad guys; I fight bad attitudes, bad breath and frequent bad hair days (she has a stylist -- so not fair).

She has a cape; I have saddle bags.

She has dark, exotic skin; I glow in any light, particularly sunlight and flourescent lighting.

She gets paid for faking stuff; I don't get paid for doing real stuff. Sometimes really hard real stuff.

She looks angry a lot; oh wait! So do I!

Man, do I feel a kinship growing...

Thanks, Rebecca, for taking pics of our fun girls' night out! Oh, and thanks for letting me pirate pictures off of your blog. I know, I forgot to ask first. I'm like offspring that way. :)